1. You know how some blogs have that security thing where you have to type in a non-word combination of letters before you can post your comment? Some of those non-words should be words, don't you think? Like, just now when I left my suggestion for what Janssen should read (Cat's Eye, of course!), the security "word" was ademendent. That should mean something, don't you think?
2. My running mojo has left me. Vanished. Run away. I have zero desire to put on my running bra, dig through the summer-running clothes still at the top of my running-clothes drawer to find winter running clothes, lace up my shoes, and get my (ever-expanding) butt out on the road. It is a combination of dis-couragement (those 49 seconds, not to mention it seems like everyone but me is running this year's Ragnar, putting paid to the fact that I am a great big—and getting bigger, wheeeee!—loser) and insecurity (am I selfish to run so much? does it make me a neglectful mother? what's the personality defect that makes it so I don't want to run if I'm not training for a race?), sheer overwhelmed-by-life (the surgery, and then the holidays) and sheer laziness (just let me get MORE SLEEP). Gah. I'm starting to get fat again but I still can't seem to start my running engine.
3. So many books, so little time: The new Kostova one, and re-reading Till We Have Faces, and The Lovely Bones waiting for me, as is Kingsolver's Lacuna and a whole bunch of poetry books and Oh, I'm only 1.5 essays through the 2009 BAE. Occasionally I joke with my children: I need about six months in jail, but only if they prison library is a good one. ;)
4. I miss my dad.
5. When my niece Jacqui got married two weeks ago, I had a lovely little meltdown at home (after the wedding and luckily only in the presence of my husband and kids...which is bad enough, but at least I didn't ruin the actual wedding with my histronics). There've been too many weddings recently, and all that hopeful optimism just sent me over the edge. Remember how that felt, when you first got married, and everything was still in front of you, and you were certain it would all be wonderful simply by bent of you expecting it to be wonderful? That was maybe what I was grieving for, post-wedding-meltdown: the loss of that feeling.
6. My baby-gender radar seems to have been broken. Probably it was my brother-in-law's scepticism. I used to always be able to tell what kind of baby someone was having...but not so much, lately. My two nieces who are both expecting? Got them BOTH wrong! What happened?
7. Final note: divorce is really, really ugly. (I am not getting divorced.) I have never, until the last few months, witnessed one up close and personal. Ugly, and raw, and full of unexpected explosions. Your own little war, an amputation of sorts. Ugly.