Summer Confessions of a Solitude Junkie

There is, it seems, a universal creed: summer is wonderful! summer is awesome! we all love summer! It must hark back to those endless summer days during childhood, when you had nothing more pressing than trying to finish all of your library books before the due date.

Now that I am a grown up, though, I dare confess: I don't love summer. The first post-school week has found me grumpy and annoyed and irritated, and I know exactly why: there is always someone home. I know that sounds horrible for a mother to say. But during the school year, I can carefully arrange my time so that I get a little bit of solitude. Selfish or not, I am renewed when I am alone for awhile. It helps me control my moods and feel rejuvenated.

I'm not sure—probably there is something wrong with me. Shouldn't my motherly instincts override my craving for solitude? Honestly, it's not as if I don't ever want to see my kids. I love them, and I love spending time with them. But I have grown used to having a few minutes to myself sometimes.

And it's not just the lack of solitude. I don't love summer because it is hot. Hot makes me grumpy and prickly. We recently did an energy audit, and one of the suggestions was to keep the air conditioner at 78. Seventy eight? really? I usually keep it at 74. Or, OK, 73. I took the energy-audit guy's word for it. I turned up the thermostat. I thought that four-five little degrees wouldn't make that much of a difference.

It does.

Even with all the ceiling fans spinning, I am hot and bothered. And not in a good way. I keep standing in front of the (new! programmable!) thermostat, my I'm-so-hot-I-could-melt frustration fighting with my I-should-be-a-responsible-user-of-energy desires.

Plus, there's the sudden attack of hay fever. Why is it that we can engineer spacecraft that can whisk a human being to the moon, but no one can make a hay fever medication that actually, you know, works? My eyes—already irritated from my new contacts which are not right in an indefinable way that my eye doctor can't seem to fix—are itchy, that deep-down-in-the-corner itch that's impossible to reach. My throat is scratchy and my nose is stuffy and itchy, and if I dare take a deep breath I sneeze. I've taken everything you can think of and all that any allergy medication does is A---make me uncontrollably sleep (even the non-drowsy stuff) or B---nothing.

Plus, there's shorts. Am I the only Mormon woman who has issues with shorts? I'd almost rather shop for a swimsuit than shorts. It's impossible.

But you know, writing down all my anti-summer arguments has had one unlooked for benefit: I just realized that it isn't only the lack of solitude that's making me crazy. It's just this entire season. Which really is sort of lame on my part, because do I really want to spend 1/4 of my entire life being annoyed, irritable, grumpy, and overwhelmed by the need to scream like a fishwife over a lost flip flop?

So, I am taking a deep breath. I am hoping someone will understand my need for solitude and tell me I am not as horrible a mother as I feel. I am reminding myself of summer's great qualities: flowers. Trips to the park and the other activities we are planning. Unfettered attraction to Sonic's happy hour. Being able to go running in the mornings without worrying about the carpool schedule. Never having to say "did you do your homework yet?" Not having to deal with school-uniform laundry. Mowing the lawn. Fireworks.

Plus, there's this idea: If summer comes, can fall be far behind?

Comments

[Margot/NZ]

OF COURSE you're not a bad mother! You're all the better a mother for having some time to yourself, and it's great that you recognise that and (at least in school time) schedule some space for yourself to just 'be'. I'm right with you, Amy, in needing some time by myself.
At least you can run, so maybe you should factor in some running away time!

[Britt]

I get it. I haven't gotten solitude yet, but I NEED it.

And knee-length shorts! Hate! I wear them because I have to. But oh! How I loathe them! I think they are unflattering. Carpis, too. They look so.... Mormony.

[Janssen]

Not to mention that I think public libraries are ZOOOOOOOOs in the summer.

And yes, shorts are the worst.

[Helena]

I'm not good with hot. And sunshine makes me squint, which gives me a headache. (I need to break down and get some sunglasses... I had some in Newfoundland and then I sat on them. That was ten years ago.)

[hwalk]

I'm 6'1", so I can't buy shorts. I just cut off pants to slightly longer than knee length. If it's the right pair of pants, it looks a lot better than the knee length shorts they sell anyways. Or, seriously, I can buy a shorter pair of capris and pretty much wear them as shorts.

And, I really just like pants better.

[Myrna Holstrom]

I think that most creative and thoughtful people need solitude. I always tell people that I am a much better mom when I have time to myself. Love my kids, hate summer vacation! I love to garden, love working in the yard, enjoy the warm weather (as long as it stays below 85 degrees!) and in years past set the thermostat at 73 just like you - struggling a bit with the 78 I am attempting this summer - not sure how long that will last, as I also get cranky when it is too warm. But having to be "on" as mom 24/7 really saps my mental and emotional energy. Hang in there, if nothing else you are not alone. :)

[Maureen]

I am right there with you on the solitude thing. My husband often works from home and my youngest is only in school 6 hours a week. Alone time for me is few and far between, and it is something I really need to re-charge.

[becky]

I know exactly what you mean. Even though Thomas has another month of school, Ben is done. Which means no more 2 hours free for me. I'm missing them already. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I can't wait for him to go to Kindergarten!!!!

[Kary in Colorado]

Totally agree about the need for solitude. I had someone explain to me once that an extrovert is someone who is energized by being with other people and an introvert is energized by being alone. That doesn't mean that an introvert doesn't enjoy socializing, just that they must have alone time to feel balanced. I have felt much less guilty about needing solitude since I heard that! And it helps that as my kids have gotten older, they are mostly turning out to be introverts as well. So hang in there--and don't ever feel guilty about needing some space!

[Candace]

Oh my gosh... Thank you Amy! You have made me feel so much better. Yay, I am not the only one out there feeling like this. I am not a horrible person for wanting "alone time". Hubby does not get the whole alone time. So it has made me feel like it must just be me. I must be some rotten mother/wife to not want my kids and Hubby, for that matter, around me 24/7.

Shorts are not flattering on a short fat girl so I usually just stick to pants. I hate shopping for anything that has to attach itself on to any portion of my torso. Shorts are impossible to find at the right length. It can be tricky to find them to cover and to not make me look even more like a munchkin.

I tend to freeze in what ever season it is. Hubby is a little heater so he always keeps the house at just above freezing. I figure I am doing my part for energy consevation by keeping it at 73 when he is away.

Well you have done it again. You have put into words exactly how I feel. Thanks!

[Elizabeth]

You are not alone. I am right there with you : )