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Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Comments

Kristin

Well said Amy!! I love this post and I can relate. I don't think I have ever encountered anything quite as hard as mothering a teenage daughter. It is like watching them walk through a mine field while being bound and gagged.

I don't recall even being able to contemplate that my mother could have gone through anything I was going through as a teen. She was completely a "barrier you have to cross to get where you want to go".

I think our kids do have to "walk alone" at times. It's part of growing up and becoming independent but I love the idea of them hopefully/occasionally seeing us on the sidelines cheering them on or shouting out warnings.

Two further points:

1.) I REALLY want a Swatch watch

and

2.) Why don't teenagers wear coats? It can be 15 degrees and snowing and Reilly refuses to wear one. Today I saw a kid walking to middle school wearing shorts and a t-shirt and it was nearly a blizzard. Are their raging hormones keeping them warm?

Judy

Girl, I so hope you get that book written someday, and I hope it's a treatise full of wise musings like this one. I would buy it in a heartbeat and read it more than once. I've never had kids so won't know (for now) the anguish of being the parent of a teenager but I remember my own teen struggles. Funny - I KNEW my mom had valuable things to share but I refused to allow her to share them. The minute I grew up, I wished I had.

Rebecca Cooper

I love reading your words Amy! :) Boy does this seem a world away from me right now - it's all diapers and potty training around here - but with three daughters I know I'll walk this same road all too soon. Sigh. I only hope I can recall your lovely perspective when I get there.

chris

This post hit home because I can echo so many of the thoughts and struggles you have expressed here. Being a mom of a teenager is so HARD! And with 3 girls, I am somewhat at my wit's end sometimes. The only way I have known to deal is to keep an open door to communication and pray they use it. The other thing too that is hard is to let them make wrong choices. If they don't wear that coat, they will find out it is cold. We just have to "train them up in the way they should go" and love them unconditionally. They will fall flat on their faces sometimes, we just need to be there to pick them back up and point then in the right direction.

Pat Passamonte

Hi Amy! Been there, done that! It is SOOO hard, and I think more so with girls, because you can empathize with what they are going through more. I laugh at people who complain about the terrible twos. Teens spread their wings and assert their independence over time, and it's so hard to be supportive and stay out of their way at the same time! Plus there are times that we see a mistake as it happens that they won't see till the aftermath... We all wish that kids would learn from our experiences, but the only ones they truly learn from are their own. Thankfully my kids are all on the other side now, all adults. And they do come back to you eventually, but they have to step a certain distance away before they can come back. Hang in there, it gets harder but then it gets easier again!

Lucy

What I struggle with, as a mother of boys, is that I'm supposed to expect them to not want to talk to me. That that's normal and fine and not to be messed with. Except. I'm a talker. And someone who feels things deeply. Plus, I empathize so when my sons are sad, I imagine they feel the way I feel when I'm sad and I want to know why. But, what they say seems true. They really don't want to talk to me and my endless questions annoy them. I'm afraid to push too hard so instead I am left to wonder and worry.

My mom was so much older than my friends' moms and I was aware of that. Like you said, her past didn't really seem relevant to mine and I rarely sought her advice or comfort. As a woman and mother, I imagine that hurt her. I'd like to be the sort of person anyone could talk to, especially my kids.

I wish you luck in the future. I think a mother/daughter relationship can be one of the most fulfilling and wonderful and hope that you and Haley can traverse her metamorphosis together.

Sabine

Thank you for this post. My daughter turned 1 two days ago but has been behaving like a teenager for a while now. It is so hard, but it helps when you see other mothers are in the same spot, too. Rationally, you know, of course, but reading your post really hit home. Thanks again.

Sabine

ooops. she turned 13...

Noel

Amy, this is my first visit to your blog & I'm enjoying reading through your posts. I am the mother of 4, the oldest is a boy & a high school sophomore... so I'm completely sharing your feelings. You've summarized it all so well. Thanks for sharing and making it all seem clear to me right now! It is so ifficult to parent a teenager; diapers & late night feedings were so much easier for me, but I guess we all must change & grow. :)

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