the Spaghetti Resistance

Haley comes upstairs into the kitchen. Sniffs the atmosphere, which is fragrant with oregano and onion, garlic and yeast. She peers into the kettle-wide sauce pan and stirs its depths. Then she sighs.

"I thought this was the good sauce."

Kendell comes into the kitchen shortly after her annoyed exit. His shoulders slump in exaggerated disgust. "What? We're having spaghetti for dinner tonight?" His tone suggests that I might as well be cooking up a big batch of appetizing horse manure, he's looking forward to the meal that much.

When dinner is finished and served, Haley will eat breadsticks and salad. Kaleb will eat plain spaghetti with just a little bit of butter and parmesan. Nathan will dutifully eat, but only after picking out every offending mushroom. Jake's plate will be cleaned, but he won't comment or compliment. Kendell will have seconds.

But I will be in bliss.

Because despite my family's lackluster (and, frankly, rude) response, spaghetti with red sauce is my favorite comfort food. It is the good sauce: tomato rich, generously garlicked, spiced exactly right. I use a mixture of sausage and hamburger; I saute the mushrooms—cut chunky yet small—in olive oil and burgundy cooking wine; I puree the tomatoes until no offending lumps remain. I toss in a bit of sugar and I let everything simmer as long as time allows. I serve it with as many handfuls of (real) Parmesan as you want.

I'm not sure how that can't be the good sauce.

Haley's version of "good" comes from a jar. Granted, it is good: I only buy the Bertolli Marinara. It's an excellent sauce. But still, not as good as my red sauce.

Kendell's spaghetti disgust comes from his claim that it's what every member served him while he was on his mission. He tells one story about going to dinner at someone's home; the family had steak and shrimp in the dining room while the missionaries ate spaghetti with Ragu in the kitchen. He doesn't like it runny or lumpy. In fact, he only doesn't complain over spaghetti if I make it like his mom did: a can of cream of mushroom, a can of tomato. Soup. Soup as spaghetti sauce. I love my mother-in-law but I don't love her spaghetti sauce.

Kaleb, of course, doesn't like anything. The boys are generally OK with the meal; it's not their favorite but they willingly suffer through it. (Especially because those garlic breadsticks nearly always accompany our spaghetti.)

But to me, spaghetti with (my) red sauce is the ultimate comfort food. I eat an enormous portion because, honestly, it makes me feel happy. It reminds me of my childhood, when my mom made a similar spaghetti sauce, only hers had tomatoes she'd canned herself. Michele would mix hers with peas and freak us all out, every time. Becky would poke through hers, making sure there wasn't a tomato lump in sight, and I would hide (or not) my irritation over her anti-tomato sentiments. We had Parmesan from a can (didn't everyone in the 80's?) and some sort of vegetable (because my mother never, ever serves a meal without a vegetable) and tall glasses of milk. Because of when my gymnastics workouts were (5 to 8 p.m.), I ate plenty of these spaghetti meals late, alone at the kitchen table, muscle-weary and bloody-handed. Sinking my fork into that steaming mound of noodles and sauce was nutritional solace.

I was comforted.

Of course, now I am nearly 40. Now my longest workout is only about an hour. Now I have to be more careful of what I eat. Now I live in a household overrun by a family who doesn't love red sauce. They tear me up a bit, the negative comments. The spaghetti resistance. But not enough that I plan on ever ceasing my own spaghetti nights. Instead, I feed everyone else first: the noodleless, the sauceless, an extra napkin for the mushroom discarder. I wait to eat until everyone else has left the kitchen. Then I butter my noodles, just a bit. I make sure the sauce is hot. I toss a handful of cheese onto the plate. (I don't even save room for the breadsticks.) Alone, I don't simply eat, but feed myself; I don't simply feed but I nurture. If there is emotional healing to be found in any food, it is here, on the plate of spaghetti, in the way the plump noodle nestles the savory, fragrant sauce in a nest, how it feels in your mouth, how it tastes on your tongue. Surrounded by the spaghetti resistance, who would thoroughly disagree, I feel I have come, at last, to the end of my day having done some good thing for the world.

What is your comfort food?

Comments

[Pamela K.]

Mmmmm! Spaghetti! It's my comfort food, too. I go between that and chicken and dumplings. I swear, we have the same family. My hubby grew up eating tomato soup for sauce on his spaghetti. And they ate so much of it, that he is sick of it. But he'll eat it anyway, most of the time without complaint. My son will roll his eyes and do the same thing. I just don't understand it. What's not to love about spaghetti with homemade red sauce and garlic bread?

[Mrs. B. Roth]

I loved this post! Really well done. I hate it when I've worked hard to make a really good meal, not just opened a few cans and all I hear are complains and criticisms. Maybe I, too, just need to feed them and nourish myself alone.

My comfort food is sushi. I sometimes I do just buy it for me and eat it alone and by myself (or my kids will gobble it before I get a chance).

[Kayci]

OK, I have to tell you this and maybe it will give you HOPE!! :) When I was a kid and I could hear the blender going and smell the onion, hamburger, garlic combo I would get disgusted and know that my mom was making (the same) spaghetti for dinner. UGH. I did not like that red sauce and she didn't even put mushrooms in it! However, once I left the house and I had to make it myslef, because let's be honest what else would a college student who grew up on homemade meals make when she's broke? Anyway, I fell in love with it! Taste preference changes as we grow. Jeff and I talk about it all the time. I serve the family what Jeff and I like and the girls don't like it and pick it but for the most part if they don't know what's in it they eat it because they like it, or they will like it. I just realized that I haven't been putting mushrooms in it and that would be so delicious!! Thanks for the tip:)

[Britt]

I don't know why this is, but spaghetti seems to be the most complicated food on the planet. There are too many preferences... too many opinions... Who knew that something as simple as noodles and sauce could divide families?

I'm stressed out just thinking about it.

[Lyndsay]

mmm spaghetti with peas.. :) Ok, I don't mix mine like my mom does but James sure does! lol (I think that is the ONLY thing they have in common) But, I too agree spaghetti has too many options and next time you eat spaghetti invite me over and I will nurture myself with your delicious sounding red sauce, although I dont care for mushrooms I think I could manage.. See you tomorrow!

[Lucy]

My kids think my spaghetti is outstanding and I use the McCormick thick and zesty packet with a can of tomato paste. I'm embarrassed because yours sounds so divine. Simmering for hours? I'm jealous and want to slap anyone who doesn't appreciate your effort (but I won't:)).

[Jamie]

We had spaghetti w/red sauce and breadsticks and salad tonight as well.... Mason's bday dinner. The sauce, however, did come from a can. Hunts. It's our spaghetti compromise for my tomato chunk dissing husband. He also does not smile when he hears we're having spaghetti as he ate ALOT of spaghetti on his mission. Kendell has the worst mission story though. How could you do that to the missionaries? feed them ragu in the kitchen while your'e having something so good in the next room. RUDE. Wait until the next day to have steak and shrimp. But mushroom soup and tomato soup???/ that is not food. That is not food. That is NOT food. (shudder.)

what is my comfort food?????

hmmm...
soup. good soup. Maybe Ham and bean with carrots and celery.
cookie dough. always
okay. my favorite meal might be baked potatoes, rice crispy chicken, broccoli, corn
and
of course, pot roast with all the fixings.

[Helena]

The sauce sounds wonderful.

My kids will both eat noodles fine, and they like a bit of sauce for flavor, but they don't really eat any of the lumps in the sauce.

[Melissa Grogan]

When are you making spaghetti again... my family will be at the door, plates in hand. :) I (sigh) usually just use prego out of the jar, and add some protein.

But for me... my comfort food... green chile bean burritos.. slow cooked all day with roasted green chiles, pork, & a few tomatoes, garlic, onion and just a hint of heat from a lone jalepeno. A soft flour tortilla filled with thick creamy refried beans, & a sprinkle of cheddar cheese. Green chile poured over... a little sour cream to cut the heat...scents of smoky chiles & cumin. That's my comfort food. Slowly my kids will finally eat it, but it took oh..about 18 yrs for one...& 13 for the other. They'd rather have spaghetti.. :)

[Janssen]

I'm sorry. . .I can't even think about my own comfort food at the moment because I'm so busy gagging at the idea of spaghetti sauce made with cream of mushroom soup and tomato soup. Yuuuuuck.

[AmySorensen]

I KNOW!!!!! Right? Totally disgusting. I tried to make it two times, thinking I would give it the benefit of the doubt. No. I was not proven wrong!

[Ray]

Dude(tte). I would eat your spaghetti with red sauce anytime.

Genuine, not-gourmet-or-restaurant-fare, Italian food will get me every time. I spent two years there, and the right Italian dish will take me back there in less time than it takes to say "mmmmmm".

But my real comfort foods are:
(1) whole wheat and blueberry pancakes. That reaches way back into my high school years, with memories similar to your gymnastics-workout-and-spaghetti memories.
(2) oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and whole milk. I credit this one to the girl who later became my wife.

I'd give you more details, but this is your blog, not mine.

Ray

[Maureen]

tea, it comes from my irish gramma. We always had a nice cup of tea, good morning, here is some tea, welcome to my house would you like some tea, just got in from a long day, you gotta have tea, not feeling well, I will make you some tea. in my family making tea for someone is considered and act of kindness and love. family vacations, mid summer day, 85F in the sun on the beach, I bring my Mom and my aunts an afternoon cup of tea and I am the hero, the favorite, and it makes them feel loved and cared for, and I love how easy it is for me to make them feel that way.

[Apryl]

My husband won't even EAT spaghetti. It just about makes me want to give up cooking. Come on! But we've found that Trader Joe's Vodka Sauce is a good compromise. (For some reason he'll eat that!)

[Kim D]

Cream of mushroom and tomato soup? Really? That is NOT sauce. It's ewwwwwwww.

Amy, your sauce sounds divine. My hubby prefers Hunts out of a can, but I prefer the cooked all day variety. It reminds me of my Big Mama. Thank goodness, the two I cook for will eat most anything without complaint. I suppose I'm the picky one.

My comfort food? Cheese grits, a good homemade soup and anything my mama cooks for me when I'm home visiting.

[Gail]

Thank you for this post. My family seems to respond similarly when I spend time making my comfort foods. My husband is a very unadventurous eater and my son, although he is only 14 months old, is particular about what he eats. But I also have those days when I cook what I need to feed my soul and even though their lack of enthusiasm does sting, my soul is happy.

[Wendy]

Look at all the comments this post gleaned! Obviously hit a common nerve. Your description is beautiful - you evoke the mood so well.

Loved Lucy's line: " I'm jealous and want to slap anyone who doesn't appreciate your effort (but I won't:))."

By the way, I'm coming for dinner some day! Just send your kids to my house for one week and they'll be begging to get back home to your cooking!

[Kasandra]

Loved this post Amy!!! So fun to read...good incentive to start making good sauce again!! I usually make plain sauce and saute all the vegetables on the side to add it to my plate! I love spaghetti...and my kids are pretty good but half don't like mushrooms and some like it plain but I love it. Thank goodness my husband likes it....can't believe what happened to your Kendall!! Some people are totally unbelievable, I hope he left a curse on their house, lol!!!