What's Wrong with Me?

It's weird. I always have ideas for blog posts knocking around in my head. Probably only 65% of them actually ever get written, mostly because of time and lack of focus and insecurity.

But right now? Right now I have zero ideas for any blog posts. Not even Becky's recent beautiful gratitude posts have inspired me. I'm trying to blame it on the post-marathon buzz kill, which I've previously only read about. After all that focus and training, the race comes and goes and then whammo: what are you focused on now? I'm not running enough and my face is starting to look chubby and I'm severely afraid of stepping on the scale to see if the entire TWO POUNDS I lost while training have come back.

I'm pretty sure they have.

I always wonder at people who don't blog consistently. Not that I'm judging at all. I just wonder how they cope without the swirl and rush and startle of writing often. But here I am: it's been a week since I last blogged. And it sort of terrifies me. What if all my words are gone? What if, along with increasing wrinkles and the inability to lose weight and that pesky reoccurring chin hair—what if one of the symptoms of getting close to forty is a loss of my writing jouissance? I couldn't stand it.

So I'm sticking by my post-marathon buzz kill theory. Or blaming it on November and its associated, mounting Christmas pressures. Or just hoping it will go away soon.

But I really don't know what's wrong with me. What's wrong with you?

Comments

[wendy]

Of all the ideas and thoughts of this post, "pesky chin hair" made me laugh. Oh to have just ONE pesky chin hair! Tweezers are my friend. :)

What's wrong with ME? I'm trying to figure that out, too. I'm way too stressed, and can't seem to calm my brain enough to sort through any of it. I blame it on trying to find a roofer and ds' shift in wakeup time to 5:30, that I can't seem to undo.

Good luck getting your writing groove back!

[Becky K]

I have a story about my chin hair that I need to share with you... :)

What is wrong with me is that my gratitudes are all gloomy. I tried really hard to write something happy last night and it was...stunted.

I need to go to Old Navy. I need to go to Walmart. I need to go to Sam's. I don't want to do any of the above.

General procrastination is always a problem and this week is no exception.

I'm hoping your groove comes back. You'll find it, I know you will!!

[Vickie]

I'm a procrastinator- that's whats wrong with me. But speaking as one who is 58 for the second time, you won't lose your jouissance just cause you hit 40! It actually gets better. Just give it a minute.

[Margaret McGarry]

"What if all my words are gone?" Talk about verbalizing my deepest fear! Fake it til you make it, sister. Fake it til you make it. Think of the blog posts like going on a short mid-week run... necessary for training. Not every post will be a glorious long run, but each little workout gets your juices going, yes? Your writing is so accessible and engaging that I'm sure you could simply tell us what you ate for breakfast every day and we'd be enthralled.

What's wrong with ME is that I have too many pans in the fire. I'm paranoid to let any of them go so i can focus on one and get it done well, but if I don't do this NOTHING will turn out. UGH.

[Kim]

Amy, post some writing challenges. I love your writing challenges, and I treasure the things I've written in response to them.

I'm sure your words are not all gone. Do what Margaret says and fake it till you make it.

[michele in la]

I know too well what is wrong w/ me... too much emotional stress and physically too much to do. Most of it has been good - plenty of family time and get-togethers, but on the heels of my dad illness and passing away, I need *just one weekend* without a major family event! Of course since it's holiday time, that won't happen anytime soon...

My advice is the same as everyone else's - just ease back into it. I know I need to start carving out a little peice of each day for *me*. My plan is to try next week to pick where I left off in your Textuality class. I was thoroughly enjoying it, but then there were not enough minutes in the day. I think the satisfaction from at least making a little progress towards that goal will help...

I wish you the best on your journey back to writing.