The Answer to That Question is Always Yes

It's December 16---single-digit countdown to Christmas. I've wrapped nearly every present I've purchased. I've had the traditional Santa-Claus-is-not-real-and-all-this-magic-making-occasionally-takes-me-away-from-the-fing-laundry argument with my husband. I have freaked out by losing a Very Important Gift in one of my super-secret hiding spots but then found it again. I have panicked about failing to maintain my "wow, she's crafty" status and set myself an overwhelmingly impossible-to-finish-in-time sewing task. I have had a meltdown in the middle of Victoria's Secret. I've eaten approximately 1,289 Lindt Dark Chocolate Peppermint Truffles (must. eat. as. many. as. possible. They are a limited edition after all.)

I've reached the snarky stage of December.

And really. Who wants to bottle up her snark? Bottling it up is the worse thing that you can do. Bottled snark causes cancer, acne, and wrinkles. Better out than in I always say! So instead of keeping it all in the eternal loop that's been going and going and going in my head all day (the 4.5 hours of sleep I got last night? probably not helping my Snarky Stage), I am here to share them, the questions I always answer yes to:

1. Do drivers of SVUs that are so long they trap me in the McDonald's drive thru when they've pulled up into that little "wait here while we fix your order" spot bug me?
2. Do I feel guilty for the voice in my head that judges said SVU drivers for their negative environmental impact?
3. Am I internally rolling my eyes when someone asks me for a happy, uplifting book with no sex, swearing, violence, or anything depressing that will change their life forever?
4. Does my laundry room look like the overflow from an episode of Hoarders?
5. Am I terrified to balance the checkbook?
6. Do I go over and over the Christmas list because I'm paranoid one or another kid will think he or she was treated unfairly?
7. Do I have a secret affection for "Sexy and I Know It?" (Well, only because it's got a beat and you can dance to it.)
8. Have I completely failed in the exercise-and-eat-healthy department lately?
9. Does my back hurt? And my ITB even when I'm just walking up the stairs? (the answer to that question also includes the letters W., T, and F., BTW.)
10. Did I harangue my husband in the middle of WalMart last night?
11. Did I screech like a fishwife at not just one but every. single. one. of my kids this week?
12. Did I completely forget that I was supposed to bring donuts to Kaleb's class yesterday to celebrate his Half Birthday? And then take some giant steps backward in my non-self-flagellation goals once I realized what I'd done?
13. Does my kitchen table look like...well, something no one's invented a simile for, it is that messy?
14. Did I spend too much money at Lands' End, the Gap, Amazon, and Aeropostale? (but! Also! did I get amazing & incredible bargains!?!)
15. Did I really eat three more Lindt truffles while I wrote this blog post?

What question do you always answer yes to?

Comments

[Margot/NZ]

Oh thank you so much Amy - I can feel positively virtuous because we don't have the Lindt truffles here in NZ so I have one area where you out-snark me.
I'm guilty-as-charged along with you on all the rest though - what a relief (I thought I was the only one)!

[Kim]

Welcome to the human race. Really. And where did you get those truffles? I'd be eating them, too, if I knew about them and could find them.