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Thursday, December 19, 2013

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Heather Hoyt

I feel like that too. Like I'm failure and I just can't keep up with everything and that I should. Like yesterday, when we had cold cereal for breakfast and I went to the bed with the house a mess. Or when I don't give my baby the attention he needs or he falls and I could have prevented it. Or when I let my toddler watch more television yet again because it's so easy and she wants to. I feel like I am not on top of things and a horrible mother.

So I don't really have answers for you. I just feel the same.

Two things that have helped me at times:

I once heard someone say that she made this perfect person up, that her ideal was all in her head. And that she didn't have to be this imaginary perfect person because no one was expecting that out of her except for her. So I try to let go of some of my unrealistic expectations. Though I sort of fail because I want to be so much better than I am.

Because we're not going to be on top of it all the time. I read something out where someone said she detailed every little thing she did wrong and she realized one day that just because she had bad moments doesn't mean she's a bad mother. She was a good mother because she was a good person and she was a mother and she was trying. So I've been trying not to take my small failures and make them define my life and who I am--because even though I fail a lot, I have successes too. And you probably do too.

I like this post though because it's nice to know that people feel like this. So many of the things you said I have thought over and over again.

Stephanie W

Hugs to you!!! I think every Mother feels this way, they just don't voice it out loud. I know I do.
I always forget to pay lunch money - when I find out they need it I am in the middle of something else.
I just told my family recently - I am just one person I cannot do everything. When they are out on their own I can only pray that they will finally understand.

Vickie

My opinion is that we are all too hard on ourselves! What will your kids remember? For example- I think that Kaleb might remember how cool it was to study spelling with his Mom- in the car! And Nathan will remember all the times you were at his events- not the few times you couldn't make it.
And letting them sort them own socks? Just helping them become independent people!
Enjoy!
By the way- two years ago I almost made myself sick because I knew it would be our last Christmas with kids in the house. Last year we were alone and I survived. And this Christmas- we have our two babies back home with us. And that's okay, too.

Julie

Ah Amy,
We are all so whiny, lame, and pathetic.
But...
you are so honest, so human.
And so loved.

Luke 2:8-20
"And that's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown."

Merry Christmas dear one!

Jamie Bocanegra

I have dropped so many balls lately that I totally get it. My mother in laws christmas present sits unwrapped in my bedroom and I couldn't even face wrapping and sending it... I know I need to get it out even though it's already going to be late but the longer I wait the later it gets but... ggggahhhhh!!!! It's hard. I'm also glad you posted b/c along with all the perfect christmas letters and cards we get in the mail, we need to read about our friend's hard moments too so we feel a little more human when we drop the balls and that illusion of the perfect mom is less tangible. We all have our own personal standards that we want to reach, the traditions we want to hold on to and celebrate and make happen but sometimes they need to be modified and changed if one year is harder. I am learning that slowly myself as my life changes. Our kids are loving and forgiving and just tell them you're sorry and read them a story or take them to sonic happy hour or hug them or offer to sit and read their baby book with them. It will make you both feel better. I love you and am sorry you're having a hard holiday season. celebrate the "got 'r done moments" and forget the rest. Your friends dont' need handmade personalized gifts. We just need to see your happy smile at the library when we pop by and enjoy the stolen moments of conversation.

Anne-Liesse

Thanks for your courage and your honesty. I think everyone who reads this post will identify with it, and I can think of many who should read it and don't. I thank you for giving us all a chance to feel part of a group of "ball-droppers" and survivors of ball dropping, because we all do it. Funny, I don't remember my mother dropping the ball, and it occurs to me that it had to be, with three kids and a very absent husband, impossible for her to have not dropped them. That gives me hope that exactly what another commentor has written is true: we don't, as children, remember all the times our parents didn't--we remember all the times they did. Here's to the times we do!!!

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