Some More BIG News!!!
A Burden and A Benediction

"You're Good At Running!"

During any average day, my internal conversations go a lot like this:

"Geez, Amy, any decent mother wouldn't have lost her temper there."

"Ummmm...could you BE any more lazy when it comes to keeping your house clean?"

"Hey, nice chubby belly! You wouldn't have that if you'd lay off the chocolate, you know?"

Etc, etc, etc.

Although I hope more people are more positive about themselves than I am, I do think that I'm not alone in having that loop of self-doubt and self-criticism playing endlessly in my head. There are so many expectations of women in our society, I think it is easier to see failures instead of accomplishments.

And this is one of the reasons I run.

I finally went out for a run this morning, after a two-week break (there was strep throat, and then my trip, and then recuperating from my trip). I've definitely lost some of my lung capacity during those 14 days, because this was a HARD run. My muscles were complaining and my lungs were in stitches. Not to mention I waited until nearly 10:00 to get my butt out the door, thus making sure to run in the mid-morning heat. The four miles I wanted to run seemed impossibly long.

There's this thing that happens, though, when you're running. At first, your internal thoughts say "oh, my gosh, I'm dying here. You'd better stop." But I keep on, ignoring that insistent, negative voice. And pretty soon it quiets down. The internal loop gets switched to this: "you can do it, you can do it, you can do it," a rhythmic mantra that keeps me going. Once I've turned around---halfway finished!---it changes again: "see, you are doing it, you are, you are."

So aside from the physical challenge running presents, and the good things it does for my body, what I love about running is this: it's the time in my day when I say good things to myself. I cheer myself on. I override the negative thoughts. That's important---I override the negative thoughts. I come home bolstered up by no one else but me, and that self-encouragement seems to have the biggest impact of all.

Although, something happened this morning that mattered, too. I had about a mile left, and was nearly spent. I ran past this cute little dark-haired girl, about five years old, sitting in the shade on her porch. She waved and shouted out a friendly "hello, there!" to me as I ran past. Then she skipped her way down to the sideway and yelled to my retreating back, "Hey! You're good at running!" Even though it came from a five-year-old, her comment gave me just enough energy to keep running all the way home. I plan on keeping her cheery little voice on auto play during my next runs, and who knows, maybe it'll overcome some of my daily internal monologues, too.

Comments

juliann

great post - as I read your story all I could think is that sometimes God's angels speak up at just the right time - thanks for being so honest- I love reading your blog

DanielleB

Really great story. Glad to hear you took that first step getting back to what you love to do. tfs Danielle

chris jenkins

i wish i could tell stories the way you do - i often find when I read your blog that I feel like you are writing about me - today's post is no different - the internal monologues play in my head constantly and at loud volumes

it is crazy how little things such as the little girl's compiment can initiate a turning point in life - get you motivated - bring you back into a more positive state of mind

i seriously enjoyed your entry today - thank you

take care~

Shirley

Such a powerful post! Thanks for reminding me to look at the positive of myself instead of always the negative. Congrats to you for finishing your run today after a 2 week break.

Thanks for visiting my blog!;0)

Jana

Hi Amy! Thanks for visiting my blog today and I'm SO glad I visited your's! I loved this entry and I really needed to read it. I'm needing to lose about 10 lbs and folks keep telling me that running is the way to do it however I just can't seem to keep it up because I don't LOVE it. I'll just think about your story and maybe it'll keep me going too?!

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