Blue January: It's A Time Thing

I've been thinking, lately, about January. How I always feel...deflated. It hit me that 12% of my life will be lived in one January or another, and that to survive the month with that sort of floppy, overused feeling is to also waste 12% of my life. So I've been making mental lists of why January is a good thing:

• SNOW. I really do love snow. Where I live in Utah doesn't get as much as other places, so it's always discouraging to me when the weatherman forecasts snow and then I realize: oh, he was talking about something else. But I really, really love snow. Love to watch it fall, love how it makes the landscape look, but more than anything I love the peace it leaves me with. A good snowfall relieves my global warming fears.
• RESOLUTIONS. Blue or no, there's something about January that's inspiring. Suddenly all the changes you've been wanting to make seem doable. Well, maybe not "all," but a few. Several. I decided that this year, I am breaking my resolutions down into month-sized chunks. Instead of "get skinny," which is one of this year's overarching goals (when is it not, I ask you?), I'm looking at each month as a mini resolution. So, January's goals, as far as weight loss goes, are to eschew soda and to just do some form of exercise. Surprisingly, the soda part has been easier than the exercise. I'm now seven (or is that eight?) days without Pepsi. Which is a LONG time for me to go!
• EARLY DARKNESS. I like it when the nights are long. It just feels "right," somehow, to have darkness by 5:30 or 6:00.
• MEALS. Come January, I always feel compelled to cook warm and filling things, dishes I love but don't always want to go to the effort to make. But not in January. In January I want everyone fed well. This week's menu includes chicken curry and chicken Parmesan. Yum on both!
• UMMMMM. That is as long as my list goes.

This year, I've finally been able to put my January Blueness into words. When I put away my Christmas decorations, I am always full of sadness. Not necessarily because Christmas in general is over---I love Christmas, but it's not my favorite holiday. Instead, it's sadness because this specific Christmas is over. Which means, this entire year is over. I think about what my life was like a year ago, what my kids were like. I think about the year and what I have accomplished (and, of course---because it's ME!---what I have failed to accomplish). And then I think forward, to what I might be like when I see these ornaments and nativities and decorations again. What will I be proud of once the next 11 months have passed? What will I be ashamed of? How will my life have changed?

Really, the looking forward is the saddest part to me. Because it makes me clearly see how quickly time goes, how short life really is. In just a few days, it seems, it will be December again, and one more portion of my life will be gone. It often feels that before you get a chance to experience one day, the next one is here, and I know how quickly next December will be upon us. The putting-away-the-Christmas-decorations experience forces me to mark time, to stop for a few seconds and see how precious life really is. My resulting January blueness, which fades as February approaches, is the consequence of that marking of time. It's the knowledge that I can't cling to it, or slow it down, or stop it.

Comments

[Kayci Bitton]

Thanks for sharing! I feel the same way about January. It's like a let down, cause there isn't much to look forward to in January. It seems like there is a holiday or something big to look forward to in every other month. Have a wonderful week! Good luck on your goals this month! :) Love ya!