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Saturday, February 14, 2009



I began to enjoy valentines day when I gave up all expectation. It's a day rife with emotion and angst. I wanted my kids to find a way to associate the day with something other than romantic love so we have a special valentines day breakfast and I try to make it about just fun, feeling good love. That helps me too. I spend a lot less time thinking about what Mark may or may not do. Then if he does do something I'm happily surprised. My brain agrees with you on so many levels but my heart can be easily swayed by the chocolate and roses.


ps if you want to read a very grinchy valentine post check out my sister link, the pessimistic optimist, on my blog..


Finally, another woman who feels similar to me about Valentine's Day. Here's my post on the subject: http://debztalkin.blogspot.com/2009/02/he-loves-me.html.

Deborah at Webajeb


I hear you about Valentine's Day. I just have this battle inside myself that doesn't really care about Valentine's Day and the expense of flowers that die, chocolate, and jewelry (not really a jewelry kind of person). Then the other part of me would feel really excited and loved if my husband would give me flowers and a card and chocolate. So then I just set myself up for disappointment when I tell him not to worry about Valentine's Day, and then get disappointed when he doesn't! Silly!


Yes, well MY partner is SO not into Valentine's Day he's away in another part of the country tramping (= NZ for hiking), where there is no mobile coverage so he couldn't even send me a message (not that he'd have been likely to send anything remotely 'soppy' or romantic anyway).
Did he do this because he doesn't "love me"? No.
He's just not a flowers/chocolates/jewelry guy on Valentine's Day or ever.
Fortunately it's not that big a thing here in NZ. Unfortunately the florists and confectioners are trying to make it one - and the 'expectations' thing is creeping in.
I think it's best to remember what real love looks like (eg your ride to work in the snow - and the kiss & hug); but chocolates and roses would be nice too. (I've absolutely given up on the jewelry expectation!).


Great post - really. I'm really glad you posted it. I get it. And no, you're not a grinch. I don't know what to do about my expectations that exist 365 days a year, but they are getting easier to deal with as I get older.

One thing I remind myself (even though my husband and son occasionally knock my socks off with something spectacular) is that it's the little, consistent things that matter. Like him having dinner done on the days I work late, which are happening all too frequently now. Or him making sure there's always gas in my car. Or making me a sandwich to take to work for lunch if we've made my favorite chicken salad. Or him splurging on blueberries when they aren't in season, just because I love them. Or him talking to my mother for a half hour when she calls so I can see the ending of my favorite show. Or playing with "my" dog and saying he tolerates her when you can tell he's absolutely crazy about her. THOSE are the things that matter. That ride to work? It mattered.


Looks like more women are in our camp than out of it.

Maybe we should plan a girls night out next year and go see some sappy chick flick.


Amy, as much of a romantic as I am, and as much as Doug is, we never have been big on Heart Day. We hate the crowds and do all that we can to avoid them. We usually hit a quiet little favorite spot before or after the 14th. We don't usually exchange gifts, especially like jewelry or chocolates. He does always bring me roses a few days early, but between you and me, I'd be just as happy with them on June 6th or November 3rd or any other day of the year. My best V-day was when I bought new wiper blades for his old truck and gave it a "heart attacK." I loved doing that more than anything I've ever received. It made him happy! I'm with you. Love me every day, not just the day that Mr. Hallmark says you should. Fortunately for me, he does!

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