Good Day

Last week, I had an epiphany. My two oldest were away at a youth conference with their church friends. My tween was spending a few days with his grandma Beth. And for two entire days, it was just me and Kaleb. We laughed, we played, we went shopping at Walmart (save me) for all his school supplies.

My epiphany was this: it's much easier to focus on your child's needs when there's just one child doing the needing.

I know! It hardly seems like a noteworthy realization. And it's not as if I want to get rid of any of my kids or anything. I love them each! But I find myself wishing for more one-on-one time with them.

Or, as I discovered today, two-with-one is pretty good, too.

Nathan and Kaleb started school today, but Jake and Haley don't start until tomorrow. Just two kids at home, with a handful of back-to-school errands still left to do. So, after I took the kids to school, went running, and showered, we were off to the mall.

Haley was already mostly set for back-to-school clothes (although she did manage to find a few other things she needed today), but Jake, not so much. Shopping for clothes is not his favorite thing. But doing it with his cool older sister is something else entirely. They laughed and wandered the mall and made fun of odd clothes. She helped him pick out some cool T's. I was there in an advisory role only ("no, he needs a medium because it'll shrink and his shoulders will be too broad"). Well, and the financing, of course.

After the mall, we had a madcap run through Costco, Walmart, and Menchie's frozen yogurt before I had to hustle off to work. Throughout, there was laughing, teasing, quoting of lines from movies, conversation, and that teenage penchant for knowing exactly who is singing the song on the radio.

And there was happiness building in my heart. Sans my two youngest, I could focus on my two oldest and not be torn between the various levels of need. Instead I just immersed myself in the entire teenage experience.

When Nathan got home from school, he was annoyed that we went to Menchie's without him. I promised him that I would take him on his own one day soon. When we do, I'll immerse myself in his experience, too.

My world feels more full of expectation and possibilities and stronger relationships.

Comments

[michele in la]

I totally agree on the one-on-one time. I have two children - the oldest is a 17 year old boy and the youngest is a 12 year old girl. Needless to say, they have never had much in common. Early on I learned the need for quality time with each of them. I now have *wonderful* conversations with my son from the deep philosophical to the silly - I have great creative time with my daughter and we are at the beginning stages of great conversation (the oldest always dominates conversation time, even at the dinner table :)! ).

Keep enjoying your children... :) !

[wendy]

As I watch my friends with more than the one child I have, I often wonder how they do it. It IS so much easier with one. Sure, there's the "they entertain each other" benefit of siblings, but my attention is not divided two, three or seven times. It is much much easier. I like that you came away from the experiences with hope, rather than overwhelming feelings.

[Kim D]

Amy, your post today made me smile. I'm so happy you had these experiences, and like Wendy, I am happy you came away with hope.