Checkerboard Smile

Two weeks ago, when I went to the dentist for a check up, I discovered why my bottom right tooth has been twinging back at me when I floss: it was cracked along the back. The dentist showed me the crack with his magical magnifying camera-that-fits-in-mouths; it sort of gave me nightmares to see it.

Not as much as the impending shots in the mouth, but still. I could have done without that image.

Today I went in to get that tooth, with its cracked filling that extended into the tooth, and another one, also with a cracked filling, fixed. Two teeth, and of course they can't be next to each other, or even on the same side. Top left, bottom right. Half of my top lip and cheek were numb; half of the bottom, too, but on the opposite side, so I felt like I had a checkerboard smile. I think the dentist had to use a half gallon of Novocaine to get me numb. With that pre-numbing stuff they use now, the shots didn't really hurt much, but my body didn't like it. My heart started racing and my face was flushed and I felt this close to passing out.

I concentrated on deep breathing.

Deep breathing and fuming at my old dentist, who really was old. He went to dental school with Kendell's dad (who was also a dentist). We started going to him when our other dentist stopped taking our insurance. The strange thing was: I went twelve entire years (going to the previous dentist) without getting a cavity. Then, when we started going to Kendell's dad's friend, I had a new cavity nearly every time I went. I hated going to that dentist. I mean, I always hate going to the dentist. But this man was...well, he was old. He was ready to retire, so he didn't want to update his office. He'd get grumpy with the kids when they got scared. He thought that silver fillings were much better than those newfangled white ones.

I don't know why we kept going to him, other than a sense of obligation because he was Kendell's dad's friend.

Really, I should have been fuming at myself. The fact that my dislike of the dentist was made exponentially worse by that particular dentist should have been a clue to my (dense) self: go somewhere else. There are approximately 8 million dentists where I live. Why stick with one who made me miserable? And one who gave me unnecessary fillings. Unnecessary fillings that were far too big, and thus caused that ugly crack in my tooth and a surge of tooth-related nightmares.

I survived my dental appointment today, but only barely. What hurts more than the sharp ache in my jaw is knowing that it's very nearly my own fault. I brush, I floss, I use Listerine, but what I didn't do was listen to my intuition. I let a sense of misguided obligation make me miserable. It makes me wonder. I'm nearly 40 years old; when will I be old enough to trust my gut?

Comments

[Sandi Johnson]

Amy, you are so right about trusting your intuition. I think sometimes it's hard because we are taught - especially us girls - to be nice and not hurt people's feelings. I think we sometimes carry that to the extreme at the expense of taking care of ourselves. Listening to our intuition is often discounted by others and by ourselves, but I am learning to listen (and I'm approaching 60!).

[Vickie]

Tell them about your racing heart next time (hope there isn't a next time). They can give you something else or less. I had the same problem. And yes, you should at least LIKE your dentist!

[Jenna]

For me, it is hard to find a dentist that I feel comfortable with. If I change & I don't like them, I have to wait another six months to try someone new. I totally understand dental angst - just the thought of you having to go have work done made my stomach turn - and we're just blog friends. :)

[Laurie]

I feel your pain, literally. I drive all the way across Houston (almost an hour's drive) to go to my dentist. I finally found one I really like when I first moved here. I have a huge fear of the dentist and this one is very kind. She works with me and my fear. I never feel silly about my anxiety, the way I had in the past with other dentists. Because of poor dental care when I was young and as a young adult, I have had a number of dental issues which, of course, have done nothing to decrease my anxiety. But the wonderful dentist that I have really helps.

[Jody]

I'm glad to know that I am not the only one that hates going to the dentist. I always have a cavity to be filled so it makes me dread it even more. I just switched dentists and have not had a cavity in the last 3 visits! It is time, however, to go back and the anxiety is returning. {Sigh}

[Jolynn]

I am not a fan of the dentist either. I had a bad one when I had braces. Even a cleaning is pure torture. I always say go with your gut!

[Jamie]

I've done the same thing with not following my intuition. Only it is with childbirth instead of the dentist. I've actually done better at listening to myself on that front but so many choices I wanted to make but didn't and didn't speak up when I thought something should be different and then later realized I WAS in the right....

I'm done having babies so I guess I'll never get to make that one right. I guess i just need to learn from it in other situations. Maybe 40 will be our year to learn Amy. Let's hope. :)

[Sean Butcher]

Unfortunately, our teeth become more brittle as we grow older. No matter how much we practice good dental hygiene, there will come a time when our teeth will simply give up on us. Expect more trips to the dentist, so I hope you'll get comfortable with him in time.

[Eddie Storms]

I can relate to this with all my dentist visits. Even with the anesthesia, it's still uncomfortable when the dentist places dental equipment in your mouth. Hehe. =D