on Zombie Hands and Other Photographic Issues
Book Note: The Buried Giant

"I'm so full of love I could barely eat"

It’s been a good week.

Well, of course, some strangeness and problems. My hamstrings have not been doing well; I’ve been exercising anyway but I’m hobbling instead of walking. I seemed to have developed a new stalker at work, and there’s this other patron who comes in to use our computer, who entirely creeps me out on a good day, but I had to get a little bit fierce with him this week to keep him in his place. (If ever there were anyone who would go postal in our library, it would be him. He makes me nervous.) I’m completely off the no-sugar wagon and have given up until after Mother’s day when I plan on starting again. I was up all night last night with my mom, who is back in the hospital with pneumonia. Oh how terrifying those 1:17 a.m. phone calls are! When Kendell’s phone rang and we startled awake, he said “That’s your sister calling, it can’t be good news. Are you sure you want me to answer?” and I was still sleep-groggy enough to think, just for a second, that not answering the phone would keep the bad news from being real. At least it wasn’t devastating. At least she’ll be OK.

Plus I’m fairly mad at the Gray’s Anatomy writers.

And then there was the vandalism incident with Kaleb, which is a whole other story.

(I always have to preface happiness with hardness, like it is a talisman or a sign to The Universe: I’m not too happy that I need to be reminded of anything.)

My good week started last Thursday, with a reunion of sorts. (I’m sorry…I’m going to be vague because I am not ready to blog about it yet.) I have wanted this thing to happen for decades but I couldn’t ever be certain it would. It is the answer to many hopes and wishes. One of the things I didn’t expect from this experience is how it has also reunited me with some lost parts of myself that I thought I had to put away in the name of adulthood, but maybe I didn’t. Plus the knowledge that sometimes, hard choices turn out better than you could imagine when you made them.

Then Haley came home for a few days, after she finished her finals, so we could celebrate her birthday. It hit me at her party: now that she’s twenty, I will never again be the mom of three teenagers. I should perhaps be melancholy about the passage of time, but instead I feel glimmery—I am excited to see their futures unfold.

turning 20
(awful photo captured from Snapchat. awful quality, adorable image.)

We had dinner on Sunday with my mom (red bean burritos because Haley loves them and they’re one of the only vegetarian meals I make), who wasn’t sick yet and is doing remarkably well as she continues to heal from her back surgery.

I had some good and very needed conversations with all of my Bigs. There were a bunch of little things that happened that reminded me how much I love each of my kids and how blessed I am to be their mom. We listened to Hozier all weekend. We had some kitchen dance sessions and some interpretive rain dancing. We laughed and told jokes and stories, we had French toast for breakfast and midnight snacks of Scor cake.

Haley and I went to lunch and did some shopping (new running shoes for her birthday). She is turning into a grown up. We agree on many things and disagree on others, but it feels like our relationship is shifting in positive and healthy ways. More, it’s just good to see her living this part of her life with such determination, courage, and happiness.

I did a little bit of scrapbooking and my massive, ruthless reorg/purge of my scrapbooking supplies is coming along nicely.

Plus it has rained all week.

And when it wasn’t raining I was working in my flower beds, planting the rest of the astilbe, ferns, and hostas I’d bought awhile ago.

Perhaps from that reunion on Thursday. Probably, in fact. But also because of feeling surrounded by my family, by being able to see and feel and know how much I love them and that they love me back. For many reasons, this week I have felt such lightness. Light in the sense of not dark. Open and hopeful. The opposite of how I felt in January and February.

And as much as I am willing to acknowledge what is hard, I wanted The Universe to know I know: it was a good week and I am thankful to have received it. 

Comments

Britt

I'm glad you've had a good week. I'm pretty sure I know what your vague thing is, and I'm happy for you.

Anne-Liesse

Continued blessings to you in all the forms and surprises they take for us.
Anne-Liesse

Becky

That pic is great. You are both so cute! Your week sounds like it was one of the best ever.

Xoxo

Chris S.

LOVE that you had a good week and that the light has returned. Looking forward to getting together soon! XOXO

jamie

Light is always a good feeling. I'm glad for your happiness. It makes me happy!

michelle t

I hope things are going ok with you, and that your mom is better.

Just to let you know, I can relate. I'm starting to journey through that season as a mom of teens (almost 16yr old twin boys) who will be going away to college. And it's hit me. Thanks for your real writing. Michelle t

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